jeffrey wells wtf

Jeffrey Wells: WTF?

I don't know who Jeffrey Wells is, but he needs to have the smack put

down on him:

"I'm not a huge fan of this type of film -- animated

sword-brandishing brawny heroes on mighty steeds fighting dragons,

etc. -- but Beowulf is really and truly something else. For me it's

a new permutation of movie thrills along with an underlying adult

intrigue -- a sense of spiritual complexity and even existential

angst -- that fortifies thematically."

There was so much unnecessary Jesus in this film and it served no

thematic purpose. I have no idea why it was there. In the background,

people are talking about the Jesus guy. By the end of the movie, there

are some really solemn looking monk people in the backgrouund (it

never really surfaces) and there are a couple of images of burning

crosses falling. This has nothing ABSOULUTELY NOTHING to do with the

story of Beowulf in the movie, which about how Beowulf gets his rocks

off up in monster cootie, and somehow that makes him a bad person.

(I'da tapped that.) And his secret comes back to haunt him, by which I

mean "burns and eats people." You could have had the entire story

without mentioning the church and would only have been less confused

at the end. Totally fucking useless. There is no sense of spiritual

complexity. It's like...unnecessary religious pasties--you know that

they are added and hide absolutely nothing. (In this case, you can

still see all the crap!)

I'm not a purist who says that a movie has to be just like a book (or

epic poem) to work. Sometimes, in fact usually, that's impossible.

There are certain constraints and demands that the medium puts on you,

as well as certain emotional beats that you have to hit when you are

making a movie. But COME THE FUCK ON! A "sense of spiritual

complexity" sure as shit is not the same as spiritual complexity.

And why the fuck does Beowulf fall off of a cliff an live for a few

seconds when Hrothgar (wrathful sword, I think his name means) simply

craters?

Looks like I'm going to have to print up more execution warrants.